Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Losing my motivation

Ugh, 2 and half weeks of going to the gym hardcore and I already want to give up. It's becoming increasingly hard to push myself through the 5.30am wake ups and the 9 hour work days. I didn't go this morning because my phone some how switched off and I had the worst sleep ever and then I woke up at 6.10 so didn't have time to go and then get to work, so I went to Spin class tonight and I just could not be bothered. It was SO hard and I find myself unable to push through the pain and my mind set is all wrong :( I am hoping to just keep trying and push through it but so far it's not proving easy, although I have lost 1.8 kilos in 3 weeks, so I guess that's a start.

Ok and back to a wedding update….
So far, nothing new.
Except TB and I have been looking at DJ's an we're not having much luck, the one we like is 2k. The closest available one is 1.1k but he's about 100 years old and wonder if he would have the enthusiasm that we're after.

Saturday, 27 August 2011


Why am I soooo poor?!!??! 
I must have this item. I know it wouldn't look like this on me, but I think with a spray tan, my burberry glasses and an amazing summer cocktail I could pull it off!

Aye… Ayee Captain Yellow Shirt

So being as popular as I am you'd all be totes shocked that I'm home alone on a Saturday night. Ha, man what a lieee, I honestly only have about 5 gorgeous girl friends that are from different groups so catching up with them all at once is fairly limited.
I see them all fairly regularly and I will go out with them and their friends when we hit the town and it's always a blast and I like all of their friends so much, but tonight I had nothing to do, I have been extremely bored for the last few hours with nothing to do and no one in particular to call and TB is just chilling at his friends with the footy (which I definitely passed on going to)

So I have finally taken action… Solo girls night in, for one.

Beauty makeover
Face Mask, YSL Beauty sleep skin care regime and new fresh polish on the nails. 

Steve Carell is the funniest guy on the planet and this movie makes me happy all the time. I also love Paul Rudd so it's just so easy to watch. 
Best scene ever:

and perhaps I might finally get a good read. I bought this book about 3 months ago and haven't even read the first page (haven't seen the movie and don't want to)


TB and I really need more photos together.
We don't have that many at all and the ones we do have, I don't like myself in. It makes me sad. I'm going have to get snapping the next few times we are doing something fun or even if we're at home being cute.

The following are from our contiki tour last December, majority of them I don't actually like. I don't like what I'm wearing, I don't like how my hair is ratty and I don't like my make up. This drastically needs improvement. Might get snapping and do an update in a few weeks.

Below: Train station in Germany, terrible angle, yukky.

Below: Kissing near the fountains in Rome! Cuteish but we set it too close and had the colour setting wrong.

Below: Another one we got a friend to take, Uh Oh a water smudge on the lense. Haha fail!

Below: See our heigh difference? Hahah who ever took this was very off centre.

Below: Us very hungover in Florence, More myself who was the hungover one. I hate how fat that grey jacket makes me look, would definitely be using my beige or black trench coats as a fashion choice in future.

Below: Us on the river boat in Pari! Pretending to be getting proposed to, not actually realising that TB would be proposing 2 weeks later.

Below: Me breaking TBs back by jumping on him.

Below: Probably only one of the photos I like of us, good hair, make up, outfit and setting. Perfect colour combinations.

Friday, 26 August 2011

Dear Left Eyebrow….

Dear Left Eyebrow,

I don't know what I did to upset you, but I didn't mean it.
I don't know if I occasionally over tweezed, or caked you with make up powder or neglected your monthly wax at the salon but I miss you.
I don't know what I did to have you just leave.
Now when I look in the mirror over a third of you is gone and it's not right.
Please grow back, it's your home. Right eyebrow misses you dearly, the semitry is now off balance and it's not right.
You….you complete me…
Come home.

Sincerely, My Face.

Seriously how the feck did my eyebrow fall out???

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Every part of me hurts.

I am aching, oh god I hurt right now. I did Spin class tonight and it's already starting to hurt (Was horrible during the actual class, my thighs were on fire! Let's hope they melt away)

I am so exhausted, I can't even remember what I was going to blog about, probably something un-wedding related like usual. Yeah, ok, my mind is blown and i'm completely blanking on my topic right now, well that sucks.

Anyway here's a list of things that make me feel good about myself when I feel fat (Perhaps a little guidance to other chubbies out there that haven't yet stumbled across my top 5.)


1.) Eating bad food.
1.) Top Tip: Get a Spray Tan (If you are pale, no offence to my chocolate bears out there but you're already blessed with good pigmentation.) Spray Tans are amazing! They cost around $35, take 15 minutes in a beauty salon and you look 10kg lighter after having one. They just make you look healthy (of course, I'm saying this because I go to a professional and I never look orange or streaky - so shop around) If you don't have time or that much money, go to the shops and get le tan in a can it's amazing for a temp tan.
2.) Hair Extensions: They are gorgeous. Long, lush hair is just amazing, you can style it so many more ways than short hair and you can get clip ins off eBay or in most shops quite cheaply. They often given more structure and definition to your face shape and depending on style can help bring out striking bone and facial definition that you might not have even known that you have!
3.) Fake Eyelashes: (Yes, I know the first 3 things on this list are all fake, but hey, us chubbies have to fake it until we make it to skinnytown.) So Fake lashes, they bring so much more attention to your eyes and take the focus away from your body! PERFECT. eBay again is perfect for this, you can get boxes of 50 for about $20.
4.) Baggy Clothing: It's stupid but comfort clothing or cute lose black dresses with colourful accessories really work.
5.) Scrubs: Apart from this being the best show in the world EVER x 13434809380283092839028, taking your mind off of your issues and making yourself laugh is really a key thing, stop beating yourself up and laugh at some of the best lines ever written. peanutbetterreddirt!!!

Theeee Endddd.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011


F.Y.I - This is another, not too weddingy blog - it's weight related, which technically is wedding related as I want to lose 10 - 15kg in time for my wedding.

ANYWAY, Yes I know 15kg is a lot, but people have done it and more, I can do it. I've never quite had this mentality or drive before, I know it's early days, but once again i'm trying and what's most important is that i've found an exercise class that I enjoy, RPM.

To try and help me get to my exposed collarbones and snapable wrists anno bride weight, I am currently going to the gym Mon - Fri for 30minutes a day, am also going back on Mon and Wed nights for an hour RPM class, i've only done this two weeks so far, but i'm trying hard to stay motivated. Tonight I created a weight and exercise tracker on my excel (finally got one for my mac book) and i'm going to keep that update, I'm still also doing low calories as best I can… Although I can NOT stop thinking about this….

First off - I know it's probably like 1033493489328 calories BUT the McFeast is my favourite burger of all time (apart from finding a burger place when I was hungover as hell and having the most amazing burger of my life, but I can't find that place anymore :( ) P.S it has about 570 calories in one burger HAHAHAHA ohhhhhh obesity noms AND they've brought back shaker fries!!! I haven't had those since I was like, 10?!  I just need to eat this meal once, and then I'll be able to be strong and not eat it again for about, hrm, i'd say 3 months. So in the long run, I'm helping myself if I eat it this weekend and get it over and done with. I'm good at being persuasive hey? 

Anyway, so this blog was really about the McFeast, but it was totes worth it. 
….. I may have just txt'd TB with a subliminal message telling him to get them for me… and by subliminal I mean I sent him a message and all it was was: 'Mcfeast and shaker fries' Ohhhh yeahhh my plannn is sooo working…….. Probably not, but hey on Saturday that burger won't know what inhaled it.
Ohh yeahhhh.

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Too much time on my hands and not enough money in them.

I've had a fairly quiet weekend, admittedly it is due to still being a bit under the weather.  It's been a nice weekend though.

Today I woke up after a really strange dream and texted Kelly from work to see if she and some other girls were going to breakfast, she messaged me back and told me that they'd just walked in and that they'd wait for me. I had a quick shower and caked my face up and went down to the local pub for a nice breakfast Kelly, Maz and I all got eggs benedict, it was delicious. It's one of my favourite breakfast meals of all time. I will also never get over the eggs benedict I had in L.A and the taste of the buttermilk ultimate pancakes that Tallboy had. Oh soo nice.

Anyway we only had a quick catch up but it was really nice to see them outside of work, I work with some really lovely people.

Then I came back home and basically have not stopped, We took our dogs for a walk (and also took TB's parents dog, Zali, as we are dogsitting while they are in Bali) to the local park and they had a great time.  Cuteeeeee puppas! (Took the photo using the hipsmatic app on my iphone)
Then we came back from that and I took down all of the washing, I made up a bed in the spare bedroom just to make the house look nicer and not like such a crack den with a bare abandoned mattress. Then I put a fresh set on our bed, I tidied our room, did the bathroom, vaccumed our room and I decided that now TB and I are aiming to get a house and I am no longer allowed to buy clothing, that If I sell clothes on ebay i'll be allowed to buy new clothes from that money. Go me. So I listed a wholeeeeee pile of clothes on ebay. There is a dress I absolutely need to buy though, so I do have to get that as my 'last' dress before I start saving, so I'm buying that on Tuesday. 

So now my wardrobe is soooo neat and pretty. I'll be happy to hopefully get rid of a few items that I wore once and regretted buying. *note to self, stop buying off the rack, try EVERYTHING on and love it before buying it!

My new pretty wardrobe

Saturday, 20 August 2011


I really need to get the wedding things sorted. Time is slipping away and I have no idea what i'm doing. I should not be planning a wedding eeeepppppp!!!
I need to pick up my dress but I don't want to pick it up until I've lost some weight.
Back at the gym on Monday, had the last week off due to viral infection and now i'm sad. 
I went to forever new today to look at shorts, tried some on, how disgusting. They look soooo pretty on the coathanger but on me they look hideous. It's so sad.
My fault for letting myself go.
SO on Monday I am going back to the gym hardcore. 

I haven't done much weddingy stuff lately. Bought those super adorable wedding banners, straws and I have those chinese lantern things. Apart from that haven't done anything and still haven't heard from the venue in regards to my questions which is pretty annoying.

This weekend I am taking it easy, last night I went to my friends house and we had a few glasses of wine. Today I had to go to the bank (took forever!) then came home and did a whole pile of washing and house work (I got a cleaner on Thursdays - she is fabulous, makes doing the other chores so much quicker) and now I'm chilling out because i'm really tired.

Pretty boring update today, but eh, you get that. 

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

All I want....

Is this.
Someone please bring this to me.
My headaches and exhaustion has returned. :( x 20000030349493939433333

It's a miracle!

I think I'm actually starting to feel better!!!!
I slept pretty solid until 10.30am this morning which I haven't done all week.
I've woken up with a stuffy nose and a slight sore throat but so far no nausea, no light or dizzy head, haven't coughed *I can feel it's still there though.
But this is such an improvement!
I have a doctors note stating I shouldn't go back until Friday but If I wake up tomorrow feeling a little better than this then yayyyyyyyyy I'll be back with people again!! I can't wait!
I can not handle being at home, unless it's for a holiday when you feel well and you can go shopping or arrange to be with friends. Sick days and getting sick are inconvenient, no one wants to be near you and you don't even have energy to do anything.
TB kept telling me to go to the DVD store earlier in the week, I was like 'dude, do you even know how hard it is to get up to have a shower? I'm not driving to a dvd store!'

So happy to finally be on the mend. YAY FOR ME.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Today's sorry excuse of an entry

So I went to the doctors again, my viral infection from 2 months ago has returned and although I thought I was at the end of it's course throughout the day i've gotten progressively worse. I feel shocking. FML. My doctor has given me until Friday off, but i'm such a guilty person, I feel bad when I have time off work for sick days even though I'm genuinely sick, I've always been like this. So I'm hoping that I can go back on Thursday, I doubt i'll be better tomorrow especially feeling like this, I feel heavy, lethargic, as if i've been hit by a bus, my cough is still rather pathetic but has explosions of furious hoarse coughing fits. Wow, living the life right now.

ALSO i'm soooo upset because tomorrow there is a course I REALLY wanted to go on for work but I can't because of this stupid infection. The next course isn't until next year. :( Lame.

I also hate, Hueys cooking. I love cooking shows, but this guy makes my skin crawl. You're not friendly and bubbly Huey, You are annoying. Stop talking.

I think I had a point to the this post before I went on my little whinge update.

I can't remember what it is. I think it was just about how much being sick sucks.


So I feel like today I am going to be bored shitless and will be ranting on here a lot!

1. I am STILL sick, currently have the headache from hell, have spent the last 3 hours coughing a pathetic cough because of the itch, can't breathe because when I do it itches my throat and I cough. UGH.
2. I have to go to the doctors for a doctors note, I know it's essential for my job and it will be good to go for me, but I know that my stage of this is dying down and all I can do is rest, so the struggle of getting out of bed and getting there is going to be hard. Not to mention the 1 hour wait. boo.
3. The blog I like to lurk isn't loading.
4. This headache is reallyyyyy achey.
5. I'm really hungry, but that would mean I'd have to move and i'm not moving until I need to go to the doctors.

To be continued....i'm sure of it.

Monday, 15 August 2011


I want this veil!!!!!!

BUT, I don't want to pay $450 for it and my head doesn't really suit front headband things I don't think.
It sure is pretty though...

The end.

I agree

sickness update:
any way i haven't done much at all today, and I mean at all. I have stayed in bed majority of the day as I have no energy to do anything else, at 11.30ish I did put meat in the slow cooker for dinner and then about 20 minutes ago I struggled out of bed to check it, I tasted it and it's still like raw, I almost threw up. I suck at cooking, I mean who fails at slowcooking?
i've just chucked it on high now and have crawled back into bed. Being home sick is SO boring, but there is no way I would have lasted 9 hours at work today. I hope I wake up feeling amazing tomorrow but this thing is sticking to me. blahhhhhh

and the sickness continues

far out, I am STILL sick. I called in sick to work today and then of course couldn't get back to sleep and now i've developed a cough, it's not like a proper cough you get with normal cold or flus it's more of a pathetic I have to cough because my throat is itchy, type cough.

Anyway, I am exhausted and am fighting sleep, if I sleep now and don't sleep tonight i'll be a zombie at work tomorrow. So I don't know what to do. I haven't even made the bed, i'm currently blogging from tangled bed sheets. I was going to head down the road to the chemist to stock up on some things but then it started raining. It's all just too hard today.

Anywayyyyy.... what do you do when you're stuck home all day and in bed when there is nothing on TV but shopping channels? You go online shoppingggggggg... for wedding stuff!!!

Ok Etsy is just amazing, oh my god. I got some really cute stuff today.

Originally I was going to make some wooden banners, pish, why do that when you can buy cutesy ones!
anddddddd I got a 'Just Married' to hang on the front of our bridal table andddddd I got cute vintage straws!
so excited. YAY!!!

Sunday, 14 August 2011

going to crawl under a rock and die

So went to lunch and it was soooooooo good to catch up with my friend, but I still have fevers through it so am home early and am back in bed.
I am exhausted. This thing is knocking me out.
I was going to go to Bunnings after lunch to get chalkboards and wooden frames then go to the shop and get dinner but I couldn't do it. I have told Tallboy that he'll have to cook or buy dinner tonight and the chalk boards unfortunately will have to wait.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz exhausted. I need more vitamins.


I know I can be a bit of a drama queen but I honestly feel like my body is shutting down and killing me off.
I got sick pretty badly about 3 months ago and since then I've been fine then boom out of no where i'm hit with this flu thing and it is horrendous, it keeps getting worse.
I'm going to lunch with my friend today, going out to eat isn't a hard thing to do but right now it feels like i'm going to havre to run a marrathon wearing shoes that are two sizes too small whilst eating salt.
fml.  so crook.
hopefully they have soup there.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz dying.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

On my death bed.

Oh my lord. Blahhhhhh. I have the flu and it is angry :( I am so unwell and miserable and grumpy it's so so so lame.
I think it's because i've actually gone hardcore into the gym and low calorie counting that in as little as two weeks I've run myself down.
Last week I went to the gym 5 times, this week I went 6 times in four days (30 mins mon - thurs and an hour RPM bike class on mon and wed) that all added up to me being run down and unwell on thursday, to waking up sick on friday, to getting the flu progessivly worse by friday pm to being the mess that I am right now.
I look SO good. fml.
I have made plans to go to a high tea with the girls from work today and I feel like shit, thank god it's just 5 minutes down the road. I'm sad that I won't be able to enjoy the day in full health but i'll still go down to have a good chat and some much deserved calorie filled scones.

In other wedding related news i'm still terribly terrified of what i've gotten myself into. I have no idea where to start and I am time poor. Basically this is my routine:
5.45am wake up
6.00am gym
7.30am work
5.00pm finish work
5.45pm back at gym (mndays and wednesdays)
7.00pm home
7.40pm finish cooking dinner and doing dishes
8.30pm in bed
9.30pm exhausted and pass out.
That happens from now on on Mondays and Wednesday. If you make it other days of the week it only gives me a spare hour and if I have the option of wedding stuff and more computer work after staring at a screen for 9 hours or relaxing, chatting with tallboy, watching tv or sleeping - i'll choose the other options.
AND we don't have a printer and that makes things really really hard for me. i'm a visual person I need a printed to file and sort and write on paper. I also don't have excel I need to work on the budget and guest list and make changes etc. It's hard work. Blahhh

Anyway back to the wedding. Jimmy Teo aka the most amazing photographer in the world emailed me today telling me that he overestimated our album price and now we have an extra $275 back in our budget, that means I can get the wedding and bridesmaides bouquets!! SOOOOOOO Happy.

Ok that's all the energy I have to write this. I'm struggling to breath right now. AWESOME.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

Updateeeee Dayyyyyyyy

Ok so I actually went to the gym! I know, crazyyyyyyy hey?
Anyway, I went at 6am yesterday, then 6pm yesterday for a P.T session (Yes twice in one day crazyyy hey!) then this morning at 6am.

So this is currently my routine as of two days ago:

Wake up at 5.40 am.
Snooze til 5.45am.
Put in contact lenses and brush my teeth and grab my work clothing for after the gym.
Drive to the gym and get there at 6am.
Get on the equipment by 6.03am and work out until 6.35am.
Then limp, crawl, zombie struggle to the change rooms, hop into the last cubical, forget soap, go to the sink and have to get handwash soap (hahahahaha) then walk back to the teeny tiny cubical, get nekkid, shower without getting my hair wet. Then have to grab my towel shimmy around the teeny tiny cubical's again. Then I open the door and I try and half get dressed in the cubical and then half in the more open area whilst using my towel as shield, then finally manage to get clothed.
Then at 6.53amish get to the sink and do all of my cakeface makeup and thennnnnnnn I chuck my hair into the quickest messy bun ever!
Then I hobble back to reception get my car keys and am on the road for 7am and I get to work JUST on time. UGHHHHH it's hard work!

THEN, I work a 9 hour day and drive home.

Tonight I got a spray tan but tomorrow 6am i'll be back at that gym.

I'm going to try and go every morning at 6am and then maybe additional times a week in the pm to do classes. Right now my legs are burning and yesterday I couldn't feel my kneecaps.

So this wasn't a very weddingy blog today.

I've basically hit a procrastination wall. I don't know where to restart or what to do. I don't have time or access at work, I don't have excel at home for spreadsheets, we don't have much money in the joint account and I just don't know how to stay on top of it without excel spreadsheets to set up a proper budget on. I made a wedding file which has helped but I'm also really tired after work.

So far I have 2 out of 3 bridesmaid dresses.
We have a venue.
An amazing photographer (seriously go look
The main food... I think
My Dress
A guest list
A celebrant

off the top of my head we still need
the 3rd bridesmaid dress
all suits
groom suit aswell
and just about everything else.


Tuesday, 2 August 2011


Do you know what's fecking disgusting?
Girls perceptions of body image.
FECK MY LIFE. Honestly, I am so hard on myself about my weight, I KNOW that I eat bad and I KNOW that I don't exercise but I DON'T know how to get rid of the self haterid that will occasionally sore into my mind and will affect me for however long it does before I can shake it.

I have done every diet under the sun, I know you shouldn't diet and you should make a lifestyle change and I try. I am currently back on the 'trying' band wagon but Feck, my life it's hard!

I have honestly abused my body like a retard.
I've done diet pills,
calorie counting,
work out dvds,
gym memberships,
gym classes,
starving myself,
Cup of soup diets
Soup diets,
shake diets,
but I can't stick to any of it.

I KNOW that I need to eat healthy and exercise daily. I am currently going to try really hard AGAIN at this. I just don't have the motivation. I have never, ever, ever been an athletic person. I have never been interested in sport and I have never liked exercise. When I was 17 - 21 I was a stick, I just magically had a fast metabolism and I weighed 63kg. I weighed that eating bad, drinking every weekend and not exercising. I still have that mentality. I still have the skinny bitch mind set. I have the I can eat what I want...until I look in the mirror. I've reached my breaking point and I refuse to have photos taken when I feel like this. This is why TB and I are yet to have our engagement shoot done, he doesn't know that it's because of my self esteem issue at the moment. It sucks.

It's so stupid that I and millions of other girls have low self esteem because of body image. SO many girls judge others on their weight and looks. It doesn't matter how kind, good hearted or hard working you are, if you're esteem is low due to weight it really affects you.


P.T session tomorrow. I'm also going to try and get up tomorrow morning at 5.40am and go to the gym for half an hour, then get ready for work, drive to work and then after work do the PT session....

Yeahhhhhhh, Watch this space. I'm trying not to set myself up for failure but I am so OVER everything.

P.S very over working 9 hours a day, getting up at 6am, getting home at 6pm, cooking dinner, doing dishes, feeding zee dogs and trying to be motivated to do anything other than lay in bed. ZILLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MOMMMMMENNNNNNTTTTTTTT.