Who are we really? I've questioned who I am lately. Not from my actions or anything drastic, not from anyone saying anything to me, I just kind of slapped myself in the face with the question.
Am I the same person from before my Mum died? Or did the heartbreak change me completely? It's gotten to a point where I can't remember how I used to be before it happened. It's 7 years. I was a normal teenager with a normal life, and I was growing up normally and then it happened.
I'm friends with very few people who knew me and my mother before she passed away and I confide in very few about the topic. My dearest doesn't believe I've changed she still refers to me as an amazing strong person.
Maybe I question myself because i'm getting older and perhaps wanderlust, perhaps I just wish I could drop everything and just run away. I'm much too 'sensible' for that. I couldn't just get Tallboy and myself to drop everything in our lives and take out a massive loan and just up and leave for a while. Sometimes though the fantasy and feeling like a teenager again consumes me. Do we ever feel as old as what we actually are though? I'm only 25, but, I don't know.
I guess I've just had a rough week with Tallboy not being here and missing my dearest friend. It's been a rough week and I feel as though i've sunk back into my funk of not knowing what to do, sometimes I hate that I am 'sensible' and that I do just do the 'norm' go to work, come home, routine, go to sleep, go to work, come home. I just really miss Tallboy, he's only gone a week but it shows how utterly crazy about him I am. I just want to spend more time with him, and I wish my dearest friend and I could be together and not live in different states.
It's okay not to be okay.